Dating 101: When They’re Bad at Texting Back

 In Dating, Life

Going through the roller-coaster of dating, I’ve met guys that are excellent communicators and those that… aren’t so much. In person they’re great, but when you’re not together you don’t exist for all they seem to care. “Hello…anybody home?” I don’t want to overreact or overthink. But when is ‘playing it cool’ just you ignoring the signs that he really doesn’t give a sh*t?

How do you tell if he’s bad at texting or just not interested

I’m back into dating again. Yep, my Bumble veto lasted all of one week. I’ve matched with a guy who holds all my hopes and dreams in his warm smile and kind eyes. I do my typical safety check before swiping; googling him to ensure he is who he says. Bingo! He looks legit. Time to win this man over with some witty banter.

He’s not keen… or is he? What is this?

Cue the disappointment. He takes foreeeeever to respond. At first, it’s a day or so between texts and I tell myself he’s just busy. Then his texts start taking a full week to come – not cool. They’re decent responses though, so I’m confused. With all this waiting around, should I take the hint? Is he just not that into me?

At what point do you give up – or am I just being demanding?

What should I do? Do I continue to respond to his texts? Do I ask him to meet in person? Do I take the hint that he’s not keen? After asking Google for help, the best advice I read is to avoid an impulse decision. Sleep on it and don’t respond until tomorrow… maybe after coffee. I’m nicer after coffee, trust me.

As you can tell, I’m not overthinking this at all.

It’s time to respond. I decide to attempt one last shot at sparking a flame. I respond in an upbeat tone (who can resist such charm), I answer his questions with closed comments, and I end with this – “I’ve just moved and am still getting to know this neighbourhood, if you’d like to catch up for a drink next week and show me around, let me know.” There is only one correct way for him to respond, yes or no. I’m about to learn if he is keen and just bad at texting, or if he is purposely bad at texting because he’s not keen.

This is exciting, am I about to get rejected or about to get a date?

I tell myself to put the phone down and walk away, but I can’t help checking after 20mins. What do you know, he’s responded with an essay! The little dot, dot, dot tells me he is still writing, so I wait. Wow, he has a lot to say, and suddenly he’s so keen. I mentally high-five myself, yep I made the right decision. Turns out he’s just useless with technology but would love to catch up.

There are still signs to look out for to avoid a screw-boy.

Sometimes a boy’s sh*tty texting is a sign you shouldn’t ignore. Here are a couple of sure-fire ways to tell he isn’t interested:

  1. He never initiates a conversation
  2. Only talks about himself
  3. Tries to make plans late at night
  4. Speaks in one-word answers

Yep, that dude is not into you. And you’re a goddess, so delete him without looking back.

How have you dealt with a guy that was a poor communicator? Do you give up, ride it out, or have you found a way to address it? Let us know in the comments or share with the Jane Community on our Facebook Group Ask My Friend Jane.

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